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Brady Berg: Hey everyone, this is Brady. This episode is a continuation of the discussion we had two weeks ago where we talked about what it's like to be queer and trans and Asian in honor of APIDA heritage month. If you didn't get to enjoy that episode, you can find where to enjoy it at bit.ly/qtcast.
Otherwise, let's just jump back into the conversation!
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Bella Matthews: So what are some key issues affecting the Asian LGBTQ community and what improvements would you like to see in the world, with respect to your experience as an Asian QT person? Like would you like representation in media? Like what do you look for in allyship?
Astrid Yu: Yeah. Representation in media would be very nice. I mean like, it sucks because like queer people already don't have much representation or much good representation. Asian people: same, so like the intersection of the groups is like, yeah, no, you're not getting representation.
Olivia Tran: I love that like representation and media conversation because like I just feel like every time I talked to a gay Asian person, we're all like, but we have Saving Face.
Bella Matthews: Okay. I love Saving Face though it’s so good. Alice Wu was the same director that did Saving Face.
Olivia Tran: I haven't seen that one yet, but I'm really looking forward to it. So I feel like I never talk about this because I try to talk about like my, like gayness in a socially acceptable way. Like for when we talk about like coming out stories or like stories of realization about sexuality, like I feel like the first time I kind of really thought about like gay people, like the thing was because one of my friends at middle school linked me Naruto fanfiction.
Brady Berg: Stellar.
Olivia Tran: And so it's like these - when I look back on it, it's like I didn't really process like anything else, because like again, we are raised in like this culture where like in the media it's like mostly white people. And if they're Asian people, like they're certainly not like in the spotlight and they're certainly not like gay.
And so like all these like roundabout ways of like coming to explorations of sexuality where I was like, Oh, I guess that's what did it.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. It's definitely not enough. Like enough of a spotlight on LGBTQ Asian people because like, it's so hard, like as an Asian person, it took me so long for me to come out while, like other of my white friends were like already, like they already got it and I was like. But what like that guilt associated with like being gay? Like what does that do to my family? Like what will my reputation mean? What will the reputation for my family mean? Like how am I being selfish for choosing, choosing to be gay and like acting upon it. Like is it selfish to my mother or my father? And like how does it reflect on other people beside me?
It's never like, it's really hard to like differentiate between your, like to be individualistic and ancient society and like be like, well I'm gay and I can still be a family. Like it doesn't have to go like, it can go hand in hand.
Astrid Yu: I don't think, like, I'm none of my relatives back in China know. I mean, my, my mom doesn't even know that I'm doing this right now, but, like, when the news leaks out eventually, and it definitely will. Maybe in a few years, who knows? I will most definitely be shunned out of the family and, I'm not to be seen again. Probably. It's, it's, it like kind of a rough, it's, but it's like I didn't really, I'm kind of choosing what's best for my mental health. I can't really. Not transition, like I tried it and like it was not fun.
Bella Matthews: I dunno, I’m here to support you.
Olivia Tran: I think this brings up something that I hear a lot with, like, my other, like Asian LGBT friends. It's like, it's not just like this knowledge that it won't be accepted, but it's also the knowing that there is like a language barrier that we can’t communicate across. So even if you wanted to like sit down with your relatives and like try to make them like understand your experience and your identity, like that's not necessarily always possible because they are like. There might be a language barrier where like, you don't know how to talk about these things in like whatever language your families better and they don't know how to understand it in English and the way that we think about it. And so I think that's like one thing that I hear a lot about, like these journeys of like self discovery and coming to identity, like with, you know, like folks from patient, immigrant families in particular.
Brady Berg: I listened. I listened to last year, I think to this podcast called Nancy, which is an the NPR podcast, hosted by actually two queer Asian people. What a concept! And the hosts Kathy Tu and Tobin Low. And Kathy, she has tried to come out to her, Taiwanese, if I'm remembering correctly, Taiwanese mother, approximately like three times. Like each time trying to like reach the subject and explain across the language barrier like this. Like, I'm, I'm queer and I'm, I like women and I just like, I'm not going to like settle down and marry a man most likely, even though like, like her mom wants to think, okay, so you're queer, but like, it's, it's fine if you're a queer as long as you marry a man. And I'm like, we're all like.
Astrid Yu: Maybe we're not mutually exclusive
Brady Berg: Oh Lord yeah.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. I feel the language barrier when I, I like tried to come out to my mom a whole bunch of times. I tried to find like the translation in Korean for lesbian and it was like lesbian, like in a Korean accent, and I was like, that's not the word I was looking for, but like, I guess we'll go with it.
But yeah, like. And then I haven't even told like my other like relatives in Korea cause it's like kind of a hard thing to approach cause they don't speak any English. And it's like how do I fully express my experience and like my feelings if I don't, I only have like childhood raised Korean with me. I don't have like a full encompassing Korean that I can like fully express like, I can't, I don't have an adult level Korean, so it's just really difficult. And also like still the feeling like that's my mom's family. Like is it like, am I still being selfish? And like telling them that? Like how does it reflect that my mom, even though like it's not about her anymore.
Astrid Yu: China actually, China actually has, there's this one talk show hosts who is actually a trans woman, and like, she's, she's actually a very popular host. And like, even like, I guess like everyone knows that she's trans, but like, she's popular and yet, it's still like trans people are kind of not really accepted and it's like I've been kind of thinking, okay, if I were to come out to my relatives, maybe I would use her as a sort of starting point and be like, “Yeah, so you know this person? I'm like her!” and, but like, I don't know if like, I even then, I don't even know if it's like, they do understand the whole thing and I would still really hesitate because it's like, I don't know, they might. They might just be like, Oh, that's one of the good ones. The rest of them are mentally insane.
Yeah.
Brady Berg: Yeah. There's a lot of concern with like whether or not you'll be able to be successful.
Astrid Yu: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Brady Berg: As a queer trans person. And so maybe they're like, they're totally fine with this person because. She is successful. She is like a popular host. But the moment that you present yourself in this like state of vulnerability and like suddenly your parents are like, but, but will you be okay?
And like, will everything be okay? And then you like the definition of okay is very, very strict. It's very like, well established and well known like this is, this is the way that you will live through your life that will result in the most security for you and your future family. And then like being queer is like completely throwing security out the window amongst.
Astrid Yu: Yeah. Get a degree. Hope, preferably in medicine, law or engineering. Um, I mean, Oh,
Olivia Tran: Maybe if I were straight I’d be a doctor by now.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. My gay brain was like, no, you're going to do like history and ethnic studies.
Olivia Tran: The gay brain rot: do humanities.
Astrid Yu: The gay brain. Okay. Actually the gay brain has actually made me like, okay, I'm going to like fucking, just, really just do this engineering stuff. Like, yes. Trans women in engineering.
Olivia Tran: That’s motivation, yeah!
Bella Matthews: Amber, what about you?
Amber Jaitrong: For me? For me? Yeah. You know, you know, me being just the, the, the mixed queer person I was like “Let’s do two majors!” Computer engineering, which is already a combo of two majors: electrical engineering and computer science. And then ALSO ethinic studies! So interesting.
Olivia Tran: Which is as far apart as you could possibly get.
Amber Jaitrong: We're going to do it all.
Astrid Yu: I mean I have been tempted to think about a math minor too.
Brady Berg: Don’t - be careful. I was thinking about a math minor and now I'm a BMED/Math double major so…
Olivia Tran: A cautionary tale.
Bella Matthews: Amber? For you. What I would like to hear what you, what improvements would you like to see as a mixed race person in the Asian LGBT community? And like, what do you look for in allyship? Like what would be a good ally for you?
Amber Jaitrong: Yeah. I realized I've just been listening and what I've just been really realizing, it's like wish I was like in more spaces like this. That's kind of like, I want more gaysian time. Like that's what I need to see. I want us to like, maybe I'm just not in it, I guess, you know? But like this is just, even just listening to all this has been so like, wow, I need more of this. I don't know. I want to be here. Like, like I want more community I guess among us or help me I guess.
Yeah. Cause it's just like, Whoa. There's like making me realize, oh, there’s a lot of things like I really just kind of like brush past or just didn't like develop in myself, or maybe I just haven't thought about or haven't brought those things together. So like this has even just been for me, just like, wow, like maybe even healing. I don't know. This is like being part of the conversation and listening, so I just kinda want to hang out with more gaysians. That's kind of what I think I need. I don't know. Yeah, I think, let me think about other things, but that's kind of what -.
Brady Berg: I fully support that!
Bella Matthews: Yeah, it's really formative to hear like people's experiences that are similar to your own because then you like, you have like a community and you don't feel alone anymore.
Like I was really excited about this gaysian, like this gaysian podcast because like. I was like, Brady and me were like, “Do we know any gayians?” And we were like, five, we know five - and it's like, we need that community because it's so important. Like if we are not like, we want that representation in media, but what about like -
Amber Jaitrong: Representation with us!
Bella Matthews: - in real life and like how like we bond between each other with our shared experiences.
Amber Jaitrong: Cause I know there's like, I have friends too, you know -
Bella Matthews: You’re like “I do! I swear!”
Amber Jaitrong: Like gaysian friends too who are all like, but like the, I think we're all kind of just like lost wandering. And I think there's obviously like there's many of us, but we just like… We need to come together through magnetization, you know, we've just kind of are orbiting and thinking, are we the only ones?
Bella Matthews: Right. Another problem with that is a lot of gaysians are like, Oh, like I'm not that type of gay, or like, I, I'm like, like straight passing, like, I'm doing that in air quotes by the way.
Um, but like, yeah, you, you like don't want to be associated with being that gay. Like you can be gay, but not like part of a community. Like, I know so many people that are like, I'm gay, but I'm not like other gays, like I don't want it. But it's like, it's not about flaunting. It's about who you are and community
Olivia Tran: And that's a lot to unpack. I feel like there are a lot of, or like LGBT Asian folks will like be in their spaces where like they're the only one, but like they have a really strong community like somewhere else. But then it's like, they're like the one gay person, like in that like cohort or like in that group or in like whatever board they're sitting on.
And so I feel like, yeah, it ends up like we ended up in these pockets and it's really hard to like pull everyone together.
Amber Jaitrong: Mhm. We think we're like the only one of something in a certain group, but we haven't been able to be all of it together with each other. So yeah I want gaysians to unite.
Bella Matthews: We should make a gaysians group chat.
Amber Jaitrong: You, if you're listening to this, and you are gaysian, join us!
Brady Berg: Together. We can do
Bella Matthews: We all form like the Power Rangers. Like all together we form a big one.
Amber Jaitrong: We are here to bring people together!
Brady Berg: Yeah.
Bella Matthews: Also gaysians in reference, like media by the way, like, sorry, this is going back, but like it really like touches on queer failure. Like how they can not like end up with someone or like be happy, which isn't like a lot of like queer ideas like in media, but like. Like white LGBT characters tend to like get more happiness versus like gay Asians, they’re like a funny thing, like they're like small and wimpy and like funny or like, they like, it just really touches on like queer failure.
Sorry. That was like totally off topic. It just came to my brain.
Amber Jaitrong: No it’s okay. It's something I realized. I feel like I almost lived that -
Olivia Tran: Oh my God, Amber!
Amber Jaitrong: - because I am someone who... I'm okay, but like the way I kind of just exist is like, yeah, I'm these things, but like I've not dated really anyone -
Astrid Yu: Same!
Amber Jaitrong: - like anyone in general for like all these years and I was like, yeah, I'm okay if I'm like, single and I've had that talk with my parents, like, is it okay if I am just like not married or not with anyone? They're like, yeah, or I've had to talk. Oh, I've had to talk about all the different situations, but like many times I'm like, yeah, I probably, I'm cool if I'm just like single and I've just existed just like, through that path and I was like.
Brady Berg: Amber you're so much more to all of us.
Amber Jaitrong: It’s okay. Failure's okay. But I just thought that it was interesting.
Bella Matthews: Amber, you're so sweet.
Olivia Tran: You’re too sweet -
Amber Jaitrong: You're right. You're right.
Olivia Tran: No, I definitely like, like totally resonated with this too, cause I feel like I was also such a late bloomer and I think like so much of that has to do with like, you know when all of your friends in high school are like discovering like romance and like sexuality and all of that, it's like you are on the track behind them because you're also like discovering like, like am I even like attracted to who I'm like supposed to be attracted to? - Oh, we lost Bella. Okay.
Bella Matthews: My computer died. Keep talking!
Olivia Tran: Like am I even like attracted to people like in the right way? Or like who am I supposed to be attracted to you? And so you have to like work through like this entire other bundle of feeling before you're allowed to like go along with like the sort of romantic or like sexual shenanigans. That like all your peers have like years and years before. I think too, what does it really help is like this is a stereotype, but like, it's something that my parents told me to like, don't worry about dating like just worry about like, you know, like getting your education, like getting settled and all of that. And so it's like, okay like I won’t!
Amber Jaitrong: Yeah, my dad tells me that all the time. Every time. Yeah.
Bella Matthews: At one point, oh go ahead.
Astrid Yu: Well, like also, just like I, I like, I only realized that I was a girl like a year ago, and it's like, there's not only is there the whole, how do I catch up with like romantic skills? Like how do I even like be, how do I, how, you know?
Brady Berg: Yeah.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. Once I found out I was gay, it was like, it was like, Oh, like I'm, - oh, I got to meet with him. Like once I found out I was gay, it was all about like, I'm not going to end up with someone because I don't want to like come out. I don't want to do that because I'm like Asian, like you can't be Asian and gay.
Like. In my mind and like in like my community, it was like, no, that's not right. That's like gross. So like I was like, I'm going to be alone forever. And then like, like accepting like that you don't have to be alone. Like for me was like a big, like a whole other like transition where like I had to like, like can I look for love? Like is that a possibility for me because it's not going to be the love other people want me to have.
Brady Berg: Yeah. I thought a lot about like when I was in high school and when I was in my first, um, year or so of college, I was like, I mean, I guess I, I could try and date someone, but like, I don't think I have the time. I think I really just need to be focusing on school right now and
Olivia Tran: Gotta do more math.
Astrid Yu: That's me right now!
Amber Jaitrong: Retweet. It’s me all of school and now.
Astrid Yu: The quarantine’s not helping with this, either.
Brady Berg: Oh, truly. Yeah.
Amber Jaitrong: Yeah! This quarter’s supposed to be my quarter!
Astrid Yu: I was going to like make a profile on like Tinder or whatever. I don't know. But then like quarantine.
Brady Berg: Nope. University is - nope!
Astrid Yu: COVID is homophobic.
Amber Jaitrong: Yeah.
Bella Matthews: It's, it's true though. Anyways, Brady, college. Brady.
Brady Berg: I was thinking about like, well, I haven't really found anyone yet. It just hasn't happened, and like obviously I hadn't been trying, I hadn't put in putting any effort into this. I guess it hasn't happened to me yet, so like maybe I'll just wait until grad school. Maybe I'll have time then. What a silly thought, what a silly thought that was. If I don't have time in undergrad, then I think we're going to have time in grad school? No. But like thank God my like my current boyfriend just like texted me and like asked me out and I was like, “Oh wait, I can, I can date someone?”
Bella Matthews: Yeah. When I started dating I was like, I can only like, I can only date white women because like only white women are out like as proudly as they are. And I was like. Like, I'm only looking for a white like women or lesbian identifying people. And I was like, I think that's all I can have, but I, yeah, I don't want, I don't want to date another white person being just like…
Olivia Tran: I’m so sorry you had to go through that
Bella Matthews: It’s a whole other, like racial. Yeah. The racial dynamics are, I was like, Oh, like the whole like idea. And I'm like when I found Lily as a Japanese woman, I was like, “Oh my God.” Like, there was a world of possibilities. And like, like it came so easily. Romance came so easily because we have a shared identity as like queer Asians. We're, we're like neglecting the part about like Korean and Japanese dynamic, but like that's a different story.
Olivia Tran: We’ll unpack that in a bonus episode.
Bella Matthews: That's another, that's another, yeah. That's another like...
Olivia Tran: I don’t know if it feels like this to anyone else, but like, sometimes to me it feels like, like romance just like happens to straight people like on accident, but like, for us it’s like Oh my God we are out here trying so hard!
Bella Matthews: We gotta find it!
Amber Jaitrong: Yes! Just sitting in class!
Bella Matthews: We gotta find it. You gotta wear a rainbow.
Amber Jaitrong: But then also Cal Poly feels so small, but Cal poly feels so small, like all the people who are queer, like my friends you don’t want to ruin the whole friend circle, you know, weird drama because, it just feels too small!
Bella Matthews: Yeah.
Amber Jaitrong: How do you find anyone?
Olivia Tran: Or what I realized as I got older is that it's not weird to like not have any romantic or dating experience until like you're older, but it seems like everyone else has gone through it, but it's like that's not reality. Like there are a lot of people who don't necessarily like, who haven't necessarily dated extensively or even at all, like even into their twenties and so like it feels like there's a stigma against it and especially I think especially like combined with being LGBT and being queer, like there's like a multilayered stigma, but like it is so normal to like not have that experience.
Bella Matthews: Especially with like I grew up in the suburbs, so it's like mostly like I grew up with a lot of white people, so like growing up with a lot of white, like, like. Straight people because they're like, they were straight in high school, you know? But like it was hard to like. Like you were so shy or repressed and like you can't like date when you're still figuring out yourself and like dealing with your whole like inner race dynamic and like.
Amber Jaitrong: Yeah, cause when you're also just trying to unpack being mixed, you have so many things to unpack.
Bella Matthews:Too much!
Olivia Tran: Like Astrid’s packing list!
Amber Jaitrong: Too much! I don’t have a big enough house for this!
Astrid Yu: Yeah, my packing list!
Bella Matthews: You have to unpack yourself before you help unpack another person, you know? So it's like, it's okay, but you don't have any dating experience.
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Brady Berg: Hey, everyone, Brady again, just jumping in for a little intermission. Just wanted to mention again that the API faculty and staff association has put out a letter of support to help you all deal with the rise in anti-Asian racism in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. And you can find that letter and add your name to the signature list at tinyurl.com/APIFSAstatement.
Also, you can find our social medias at the following handles: our Instagram is @calpolypridecenter. Our Snapchat and Twitter are at @cppridecenter and our YouTube can be found by just searching for Cal Poly Pride Center. Finally, you can subscribe to our newsletter at culture.calpoly.edu and scrolling to the bottom of the page to click on newsletter.
I wanted to give a thanks again to our guests Olivia, Amber, Astrid - I mean, Bella works here, but she deserves thanks too - it was such, such a blast to record this discussion with all of them. We hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as we enjoyed talking about it. You'll hear everyone sign off again at the end of the episode, but I wanted to make sure and give them an extra thanks here. All right. Let's get back into the discussion.
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Brady Berg: Okay.
Amber Jaitrong: Do we have anything about allyship?
Brady Berg: Yeah, that's right. We were like, Oh we probably should.
Amber Jaitrong: Personally, I don’t know.
Bella Matthews: I don't know. Oh, okay. So I have a lot of trouble with fetishization of Asian people, especially as a Korean. I've had a lot of people come up to me and be like, “Oh, like are the Korean boys hot? Like, do you know K-pop stars?” Someone tried to be my friend and came to my house just to talk to my mom in Korean and like ask her and like eat her food and it was really creepy. Like. It's like, that's happened to me like multiple times, just because of like my Korean-ness
Brady Berg: That’s disgusting.
Bella Matthews: And it's like, yeah, it's really gross. But like, yeah, the whole fetishization of like Asians, like with like the popularization of K-pop, not that that's a bad thing. But like with, it becomes like the sexualization, the more like, calm and sexualization of Asian people, because before it was like, you know, like going to Thai and having like a sexcapade and all that stuff. That was like, like a big thing, but now it's like more widely spread and like more with younger people of the fetishization, of like specifically Asian women.
Amber Jaitrong: I didn't even think of that. Like this new wave, this new, bigger almost accepted wave of fetishization.
Bella Matthews: Like it’s a different thing to love and like appreciate a culture, but it's another thing to like adopt it as your own because I saw this tweet of this girl and she was like German, like white German, and she was like, “I am trans-racial.” And like she got surgery to be “Korean”. And I was like - .
Amber Jaitrong: When there's Asians out here getting surgeries to try and look white?!
Bella Matthews: Yeah I know like it's a whole other, like modern sphere of like, yeah, stereotyping and, like, kind of fetishization. And now it's like neverending thing with COVID.
Olivia Tran: So like, I think it's really interesting to really dig into that too, because it's always like you like certain Asians or certain Asian cultures aren't desirable. But like I feel like I've never had someone tell me like, Oh my God, like I wish I were Vietnamese. Like, you know? So it's like really interesting to see what becomes kind of like desirable as a product of like what people can consume.
Brady Berg: Yeah.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. Especially with Japanese, like Japanese and Korean, like Japanese anime and then Korean like pop.
Brady Berg: And when we talk about like representation, like even the measly presentation that queer Asians do get, it's like most of the time it is light skinned queer Asian people. And like the - even the word Asian, a lot of times like in colloquial use, it's like, if you say the word Asian, then the immediate thoughts are like Korea, Japan, China, and like, you don't like the, the common social, like practice is to not think outside of those bounds.
But Asia is. Like it's four letters that represent so many things that we need to be so much split. We need to be more careful and more intentional about like thinking like, okay, like there is not one kind of Asian. There are like there are billions and billions and billions of kinds of Asians out there and we all need - we need to be careful that we're not grouping them all into a single over-simplified category.
Astrid Yu: Like going off on like what you said about fetishization, like I'm pretty lucky that like, I haven't experienced that yet, but I mean, I've only like been out for like a few months, so who knows? Like, and it's like, it kind of worries me because, well, Chinese women: fetishized. Trans women: fetishized. Hey, I'm both! And it's scary.
Amber Jaitrong: I'm glad you brought up this point because about fetishization. Because I'd say for me now, what came up because I was Thai. I actually remember when I was little, someone was like, “Are you Chinese?” and I was like, “there’s other Asians” I was like in second grade. “I’m Thai!” I literally yelled. But I, I have gotten the like, “Oh, you're so exotic.” You know? And the fact that being like mixed and like, “Oh wow, you're that. I've never heard of someone who's that mix of things. You're so exotic. How did that happen? How did - you combined to be like that. You're like” AH!
Bella Matthews: “Wasians.” I hate that term. “Wasians.” I hate it.
Amber Jaitrong: I mean, even though I am someone who's part Asian and also part white, but then I also like. I - something an issue I think in mixed communities is, you know, when you see someone who's say they're mixed and they're Asian, you automatically think they're white. And it also erases a lot of folks that are, you know, Asian and anything else. Cause there are plenty, but that's a different issue that I just went into. But yeah, the whole like exotification thing I've experienced and I feel that.
Bella Matthews: There's like one side where it's like you're exotic and sexy, amazing. And then there's the other side where it's like you're, you're like quiet and you'll make a good wife if you're like a woman. And it's like how, like how do you navigate these two stereotypes that you've been given? Like you're like forced upon you. Like if you're small, you're like a perfect wife. If you're like a little bit taller or bigger, you're like a sex object
Amber Jaitrong: Or being cute, you know, being small. Everyone’s like “You’re so cute!”
Bella Matthews: Oh yeah. Like a child. Like I got to act like a baby to like. Ew. What does that say about you?
Amber Jaitrong: Being cute and treated as being cute and I feel like being cute and connected to being Asian. Oh, you're so cute. Like it is a submissive way. I don't know.
Bella Matthews: Not to talk for my girlfriend, but like while we were dating, like random, like, like a white boy would or like a different Asian boy would like, they didn't even know her, but ask her out like random, like they didn't even really know her name and they asked her out because like they were like “You seemed kind. Like a good wife.” And I like, what? Because she's small? Like.
Olivia Tran: Something that goes - we are overtime and I'm still talking. Something that goes along with like the fetishization well, it's like, I think it contributes to this idea that like as Asian women like we can't be gay because like you're the object of desire of like a man, like specifically a white man. And so like to kind of have that societal image really like creates this like, you know, how do we think outside of like Asian women as attached to a white man and like both like a, you know, like a funky, but also in like a strictly heterosexual way?
Astrid Yu: I think even like as an a, like I'm not mixed, but like. Even like my mom for just, just like Asians in general. Also like - not in general - but just, I mean there's also like fetishization from the Asian community. I feel of like we're just like, cause like. I've heard some, like my mom or some relatives make comments about how mixed children are like something I dunno. And like also also like there’s, they don't. And when they like talk about mixed children or like just mixed marriages, they always mean like with white people, if it's with like if it's with like somebody out or if it's with black people for example, it's like, “Ooh, that's, that's not good and you shouldn't do that.” And I'm like, “what?”
Brady Berg: Yeah. Oof.
Bella Matthews: There’s just so much to unpack as a gaysian. Now they’re just, like, coming out there like, whoa!
Amber Jaitrong: Because there's just too much.
Astrid Yu: A lot of the times I have felt like a pressure to kind of. Do very, very well in school and my career because like, well, you know, like trans people and like women and like they, you don't really get too many like opportunities or there's just job discrimination. And like, honestly, there, I do feel a pressure to basically like do really well to almost sort of like compensate it, mask it. You know? Does that make sense?
Bella Matthews: Model minority.
Astrid Yu: Exactly. I don't like it, but like I still feel the pressure to do it.
Bella Matthews: Yeah. You got to perform to be like the best Asian you can be,
Astrid Yu: The best trans woman.
Bella Matthews: Quote unquote, “lacking” attributes of yourself.
Brady Berg: Yeah.
Bella Matthews: Yeah, I can't stop thinking about that tiktok. You've seen it Amber on my story, but it was like Asians with tattoos, like “I’m the biggest disappointment in my family” and then it was like Asians who drop out of college “No, I'm the biggest disappointment in my family.” And then like the door opens and like LGBT Asians walk in and are like “You thought!”
Brady Berg: And what about the ones with tattoos?
Bella Matthews: I posted that. Yeah. And I was like, I'm, I'm like a gay Asian with tattoos! Someone was like, you shouldn't drop out to make it a trifecta and I’m like-
Brady Berg: Oh my Lord. Okay, so wrapping up, you can find us all of our episodes and links to where you can watch and listen and read our transcripts at bit.ly/qtcast. I want to give a thanks again to all of our panelists. We'll go around again.
Bella Matthews: I'm Bella. She/her/hers and. Yeah. I identify as a Korean lesbian and fun fact about me is I'm a gay that can cook too. Not just drive. I can cook. I popcorn to Amber.
Amber Jaitrong: I'm Amber. Any pronouns. I don't have a fun, catchy term for myself yet, but Bella has inspired me and if you check out my Instagram, I also can cook. I’m just tagging onto facts cause I can't think of it any but thank you everyone!
Bella Matthews: Amber makes jewelry! Amber can make jewelry.
Astrid Yu: I'm Astrid she/her/hers. I'm trans and a slightly more complicated than a Lesbian And a fun fact about me is my desk is a mess. It always is.
Olivia Tran: Yeah. Hi. Okay. This has been Olivia. She/her/hers. I am Vietnamese American queer woman. And even after you stop listening to me on this particular episode of this podcast, I will never shut up ever.
Brady Berg: That’s your right.
Bella Matthews: Good as a gaysian woman, you gotta be loud.
Brady Berg: And I am Brady Berg. My pronouns are he/him/his, and I am a mixed race gay man.
Bella Matthews: I love that you say it like-
Amber Jaitrong: “I’m a mixed race… Gay man”
Bella Matthews: You're like, “I gotta add in in the gay”
Brady Berg: Okay. See you later guys, gals, and nonbinary pals.
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